Yesterday I had yet another chemo treatment... another attempt at Herceptin

In order to prepare my body for this drug I have to take lots of steroids... 20 mgs at 10:00pm and another 20mgs at 4:00a.m the morning of my treatment... that is the problem... I am up at 4:00a.m.... I have to eat something to take the steroids. So now I am up eating chocolate chip cookies and milk at 4am as my mind races, and I start to have anxiety over the fact that I have to do this every three weeks for the rest of my life! These Herceptin treatments are supposed to try to prolong my life. The whole this is sort of daunting.... So I shuffled my kids off to several different willing friends and family members who were willing to help out till I came home from my four hour IV treatment. I usually need a good two hour nap after my treatment so my day is sort of lost from the treatment and my kids have told their caregivers that "mommy, had to get her "yucky" medicine today"... but once I wake up from nap the steroids are still in my system and I'm awake until 3am that night... and I'm awake again until all of the steroids that are used to prepare my body for the chemo drugs leave my system. It is all in a days work as a cancer patient. The toughest work I had that day of chemo was the conversation I had with my oncologist. It has taken me several months to gain the courage to ask him this question..... I frankly asked him... "so...how long do I really have .. ? I know it is in my lungs,.. I know it is in my spine.. I know you can't cure me... I get that.. " ... "so my question is WHEN?" Without missing a beat... he responded by saying... "you have four years.. three months.. fifty-five days.. four hours.. and twenty-five seconds...."... to which I replied..."I get it.. You don't know".... His answer "NO... "... I then asked... Will I live to be 80?"... His answer with no hesitation .... "NO"... that stung!... and I was happy my mother was not in the exam room when he said it but I was glad I was brave enough to accept it although the reality of it nearly brought me to tears.